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I'm setting up some new computers and I was wondering what could be a good greeting message to show on their welcome screen. I'm using KDM and I don't like the default message: Welcome to %s at %n. KDM has a few %-variables and they are substituted with their corresponding values:

%d: current display
%h: local host name, possibly with the domain name
%n: local node name, most probably the host name without the domain name
%s: operating system
%r: operating system version
%m: machine (hardware) type

how do you think it would be a cool welcome message?

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closed as not constructive by Mark Henderson Aug 17 '12 at 3:51

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7 Answers 7

Would you like to play a game?

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+1 For a useless but VERY FUNNY answer. ;-) –  KPWINC Jun 5 '09 at 21:22
1  
I almost went with "All your base belong to us" but figured it to be more universally known :) –  Kevin Kuphal Jun 5 '09 at 21:30

"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." – WOPR, on Tic Tac Toe (and also Global Thermonuclear War)

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"Hello Dave".

It's a bit well worn, but you don't mess with a classic.

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Notice

This is a Department of Defense computer system. This computer system, including all related equipment, networks, and network devices (specifically Internet access), are provided only for authorized U.S. government use.

DoD Computer systems may be monitored for all lawful purposes, including to ensure that their use is authorized, for management of the system, to facilitate protection against unauthorized access, and to verify security procedures, servivability, and operational security. Monitoring includes active attacks by authorized DoD entities to test or verify the security of this system. During monitoring, information may be examined, recorded, copied, and used for authorized purposes. All information, including personal information, placed on or sent over this system may be monitored. There is no expectation of privacy in any information transmitted in or through this system.

Use of this DoD computer system, authorized or unauthorized, constitutes consent to monitoring of this system. Unauthorized use may be subject to criminal prosecution. Evidence collected during monitoring may be used for administrative, criminal, or other adverse action. Use of this system constitutes consent to monitoring for these purposes.

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wow! What's your resolution???? –  Matt Simmons Jun 5 '09 at 22:02

Starting MS-DOS...

C:\>_

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No need to scare the users... –  Kevin Kuphal Jun 5 '09 at 21:48

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

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Made me laugh out loud for real. That hasn't happened to me in a long time. –  Mark Henderson Jun 6 '09 at 8:24
    
> what is a grue? The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale. –  KPWINC Jun 6 '09 at 16:57

This is an ideal place to display a message about authorized access. From the Center for Internet Security's benchmark for Red Hat / CentOS, 10 Warning Banners:

Presenting some sort of statutory warning message prior to the normal user logon may assist the prosecution of trespassers on the computer system. Changing some of these login banners also has the side effect/benefit of hiding OS version information and other detailed system information from attackers attempting to target specific attacks at a system (though there are other mechanisms available for acquiring at least some of this information).

Guidelines published by the US Department of Defense require that warning message include at least the name of the organization that owns the system, the fact that the system is subject to monitoring and that such monitoring is in compliance with local statutes, and that use of the system implies consent to such monitoring. Clearly, the organization's local legal counsel and/or site security administrator should review the content of all messages before any system modifications are made, as these warning messages are inherently site-specific.

More information (including citations of relevant case law) can be found at http://www.usdoj.gov/criminal/cybercrime/s&sappendix2002.htm.

You can download the benchmark for your platform from the Center for Internet Security. These are documents of 'consensus based' recommendations for best practices in securing systems.

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