I own a domain whose MX record up until now pointed to a commercial mail server where I had an account for the domain; that was the only account, call it
I now need to add some email accounts, so I set up a mail server of my own and changed the MX record to point to it. However, after doing tests of the smtp relay by sending back and forth to a gmail account (
firstname.lastname@example.org), I am a bit nervous:
If I reply to to a message from the gmail account, everything is fine.
If I send a message to the gmail account from the same user name as the only account which existed for the domain before (me@myplace) -- with which the gmail account has a history -- everything is fine.
If I send a message to the gmail account using a new user account -- e.g., new@myplace -- everything seems to go through from the remote client, and the smtp server log notes:
esmtp: id=XXXXXXXXX,from=<new@myplace>,addr=<email@example.com>,size=694,success: delivered: gmail-smtp-in.l.google.com
I.e., the gmail server has accepted the message and told my server everything is fine, so my server told the remote client everything is fine. Except the gmail server is lying, because the message is never delivered to
I am worried that this is a sign of more serious problems yet to come -- that some commercial mail servers whitelist by relay IP not just domain, and will discard my mail because I am not a whitelisted commercial server, and that they will do it the same way google apparently has done: by cheerily reporting it accepted, meaning I will never get a bounce notice or have anyway of knowing my mail is not being delivered.
So my 2-part question is:
Is this really dishonesty on the part of the gmail server? I.e., it is saying it is accepting mail for delivery which it never intends to deliver? Or is there some ambiguity I've missed?
If so, is it a waste of time for me to try and run my own mail server? Will a lot of commercial servers simply look at the IP of the relay (which matches the domain's MX record) and just silently/dishonestly discard my mail because it's not on a whitelist -- meaning in essence, I have to pay for a whitelisted commercial server if I want email delivered in the modern world?
I have owned this domain for years and it has never been a source of spam, if that matters.