1,053 reputation
48
bio website HopOffACloud.com
location Washington Court House, OH
age 39
visits member for 4 years, 1 month
seen Apr 25 '12 at 22:08
<?php
/**
* PHP Script for agent-orange 
* Work Efficiency Ninja Agent 1.0 
*
* @author Glenn Kelley <glenn@typo3usa.comm>
*/

// Set environment:

$wifeStatus="snoring";
$childrenStatus="dreaming";
$workMode="extended";
initWeekAtWork($wifeStatus,$childrenStatus,$workMode);

// Initialize settings
ignore_friends_calling(1);
tapeAllEpisodesOfOutsourced-NBC(1);
enablePlaylistWithGreatMusic(1);

// Check conditions
checkPepsiInFridge();
checkSupplyOfGranolas();


$weekdays = explode(",", "monday,tuesday,wednesday,thursday,friday");
foreach ($weekdays as $day) {

// New work shift:
echo "Pray for patience, Glenn.";
if ($HTTP_GET_VARS["statement"]=="I'll do that later") {
   echo "Think again, your customers need you to be understanding and focused on their needs";
}

doProgramming(); 

// Check environment during evening
if (missWife()==true) 
   echo "You cannot wake her, she is sleeping.";
if (starsShiningAndMoonIsBright("low cloud cover")) 
   echo "No stargazing to much work to be done";

doProgramming(); 

// Require resources
$food = mysql_query("
 SELECT FROM refridgerator 
 WHERE eatable AND expiredate NOT < ".time()." 
 LIMIT 1");
 if (mysql_num_rows($food)) {
    consumeIt ("15 minutes max");
 else
    callPizzaDelivery("4: Margarita", "+gorgonzola");

 doProgramming(); 

 // Check physical body state
 payAttentionToHandsAndBack();
 if(handsHurtingDueToUseOfKeyboard()==true) {
    ignore(1);
 }


 // Checking overflow
 if (! willThisEverEnd("?")){
 if (maxExecutionTimeNotSet()) 
    die("Fatal error: Could not complete your request until the customer is satisfied and work is completed.");
 }

 // Set clockradio 9 hours from current time
 sleep(60*60*9);


} // end day 
// I haven't implemented this function yet. 
// It should fit in somewhere above, but I couldn't find time to do it.
// Maybe thats the key to the solution?



/*
* If you have any comments, find any bugs 
* or have suggestions to changes, please email me
* call 740-490-8668 
* or twitter @chuchmedic 
*/
?>

Nov
9
awarded  Yearling
Nov
9
awarded  Yearling
Nov
9
awarded  Yearling
Jun
8
awarded  Caucus
Nov
9
awarded  Yearling
Feb
27
answered Deep recursion in WHM EasyApache software update causes out of memory
Feb
23
comment Do you really need cable management for a cabinet with just switches and patch panels?
try racktables - very easy to setup and well worth having - especially if you plan on any growth.
Feb
22
answered Switch with 48 port all PoE
Feb
20
comment Router recommendation to virtualize 800 IPs
here ya there - a few simple web searches will yield some results I am sure. If you browse their forums - you can see those who are using and getting help as well. I have used pfsense for many different projects - based out of Kentucky Chris Buechler has a good application to work with - both vyatta & pfsense have a gui - In regards of linux vs non-linux - Your company needs to decide- expense or use your experience reach out to me if you want some extra details off list be happy to help
Feb
20
comment Router recommendation to virtualize 800 IPs
vyatta.org and www.vyatta.com Their cli is very close to the one from Cisco (just without the cost) Their forums are very active as well. @churchmedic via twitter if you need some realtime help getting started. We have used them to do some amazing things with the Web Empowered Church application we run (typo3 websites) we also use them for a bunch of routing into our WISP (CountryConnections) From 300 feet in the air - to gigE connections serving some really cool stuff all over the place - Their OpenSource is worth its weight in gold - and their paid support isnt bad either
Feb
20
revised How can I edit an individual site's virtualhost using either WHM or cPanel?
added 276 characters in body
Feb
20
comment How can I edit an individual site's virtualhost using either WHM or cPanel?
Simply put - YOU CANNOT DO THIS. Since cPanel would require you to have root abilities to make the change - you cannot do this w/ the host you are using.
Feb
20
comment How can I edit an individual site's virtualhost using either WHM or cPanel?
forums.cpanel.net/f5/… In Short - Since mongrel is being a mongrel ;-) cPanel does not hav a date to support Rails3 as of yet. Their own staff have even suggested they support mod_rails with passenger over mongrel - might want to think about your approach first.
Feb
20
comment Could this be a DOS attack?
thats ugly - some days I really think Old Steve (apple) had it right when he said no to adobe... but then again I fire up an adobe product daily ... ;- ) Also - thanks for updating the issue - really nice :-)
Feb
20
answered Router recommendation to virtualize 800 IPs
Feb
20
answered How can I edit an individual site's virtualhost using either WHM or cPanel?
Feb
13
answered once VPNed into pfSense, unable to hit the public URLs of my websites - they are routed to the pfSense box
Feb
13
answered Centos Server/MySQL server problem
Feb
13
answered Blocking facebook on company network
Feb
13
answered how to fight back attacks on my web service