I am setting up a fresh brand new mail server and I want to get it whitelisted across all mail companies, aol, yahoo, hotmail, gmail, etc.
There are options like mailgun.net which I would consider but want to use our own
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What software you choose to go with is ultimately down to you, but the usual sensibilities apply;
Finally, be vigilant over who you hand out mail accounts to and/or do spam checking on outbound mail if you have a fear of accountholders abusing their account (or getting their credentials stolen and abused)
The only thing in the above list that should actually require setup on the SMTPd is DKIM/DomainKeys, personally I use DKIM-milter for Postfix.
The biggest thing you can do is to setup your DNS and server headers properly. This means:
Once you have the IP you're going to be sending mail from, check to see if it's been blacklisted. MXToolbox has a good one that I commonly use.
Running a mail server sucks. I run my own personal one and it's okay. I also work for a managed hosting company and when I was on the support side, I helped with more problems for folks wanting to run their own. If you want to do mass mailing, use someone like sendgrid.com.
Follow the "Golden Rule".
If you prevent spamming the world then everything will work right out of the box. You need no whitelisting at the big players. They will accept your mails as long as you don't behave suspicious. If you need whitelisting, first try to ask DNSWL.org. But you should be "in the market" for some time that everybody can calculate your reputation based on the past mail delivery.
If you see problems delivering mails to the big players, then your system is configured wrong. You will not solve that with whitelisting! But first try to start right away and then see if whitelisting is necessary anyway.